-

My Blog

My thoughts on it all

Lisboa becomes a father

Feb 17, 2004 — Well, the title says it all!

While the announcement is a little late in coming, my daughter was born on January 17th, 2004. Her name is Vivian Maxine! At birth she weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces.

Her mother and I are very happy and proud. We're also looking forward to getting engaged and married later this year (maybe 2005 depending on schedules)!

Take a gander!

[link http://forums.theimperialorder.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=5408]Vivian - Sleeping[/link]
[link http://forums.theimperialorder.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=5406]Vivan - Burping[/link]
[link http://forums.theimperialorder.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=5410]Vivan & Lady[/link]

--Lisboa

Dylan says:

Congratulations!! :D She's very cute. I wish the best for the three of you. I'm guessing about now she has you creamed in the field of sleep trolling. Lisboa's finally met his match. :D

rnewhouse says:

Very cute kid!

Get married now. It takes about 15 minutes. You can do it this weekend. Have a wedding and party when you can afford it and all the relatives can come.

Wouldn't it be nice for Vivian if her parents made it known to the world that they were committed to each other?

BiGs112 says:

Congratulations to you and the mother. I am pregnant with my first child right now. (Due in late September).... And I hate to say I disagree with you rnewhouse. I am glad that they are looking forward to getting married and such, but I feel that they shouldnt do it if the only reason is for the child. The parents need to be happy together with each other before they can be happy with an added child. But thats just my 2c

DataBind() says:

Congrats!

re: Marriage
Why this weekend? Why the rush? Can't they get committed to each other 8 months from now after the family is notified, etc.?

rnewhouse says:

If they're already planning to "get engaged and married" then they're already committed. Why wait?

Getting married "just because" of the child is not such a good idea, but if they're in a committed relationship and there IS a child, it seems to me that getting married is a pretty good way to make that committment evident to everyone, including themselves and the child.

Wirehead says:

Plus you get a tax break.

(tongue firmly in cheek)

rnewhouse says:

And you get certain legal rights pertaining to the child that you might not have otherwise. Such as legal guardianship and power of attorney and all.

Wirehead says:

That, too. Seriously, though, if you're already in a comitted relationship (as I sure hope you are if you've had a kid) I don't understand why you'd put it off? Hell, why aren't you ALREADY married, if you had decided to have a kid together? No offense or anything - just curious.

DataBind() says:

There are lots of reasons to wait --

inviting family, planning the ceremony, booking the place, finding the dress, arranging the honeymoon, arranging the time off, etc.

True, they could just go down to the Elvis Drive-Thru Chapel of Love in Vegas and spend a weekend honeymoon at the Motel 8, but perhaps they wanted more of a formal ceremoney with the family. Just a thought.

rnewhouse says:

Obviously the ceremony needs planning. But, if you've already got a young dependent taking up space all over the house, I say get the legal basics in ASAP, and do the party later.

You've already got the agreement going there, and the decision. Expand that decision and that reality to include your families and the rest of your society. I'm sure you know what happens when you increase agreement.

DataBind() says:

[quote]I say get the legal basics in ASAP, and do the party later.[/quote]

That's what I did and my mother will probably never forgive me.

rnewhouse says:

Interesting. How do YOU feel about doing it that way? Are you glad you got the basics handled right away? Did you feel like the big party was as terrific as you wanted it to be? Would you do it differently if you had it to do over again? (Aside from your mom's feelings.)

And to put it in perspective, how long ago was that?

DataBind() says:

My wife and I weren't pregant yet, but we still decided "let's just do it over the weekend and worry about the party later. Let's just get the legal basics in. "

5 years and 2 kids later, the party still hasn't happened.

I'm glad we're married and I don't have complaints about that, but to answer your question, yes, I wish we had planned it and invited the family and taken the time off and really "done it right." Those would have been nice memories -- the dress, the cake, the best man, the party, the dance, the family all there, the honeymoon.

"Oh look, here's the polaroid of my wife and I at the courthouse signing our marriage license." Nice memory, but not the same.

lidge_34 says:

I have several friends who have done it both ways--done the quick Vegas or courtroom wedding and then had a big ceremony with their friends and family later. One of my friends got married in an Elvis chapel and it was the funniest thing I have ever seen! But all of them who had the small "legal basics" weddings also had big formal weddings about 6 months later. I guess it depends on the individual's circumstances. None of my friends had kids when they got married.

Databind, did your mom know you were getting married beforehand or did you tell her after the fact?

rnewhouse says:

It occurs to me that this all this picking apart of your private life and suggestions as to how you should live it might be construed as some kind of criticism, and I just wanted to say,

"Congrats on the expansion of your family unit and best wishes for the continued flourishing and prospering of all of you."

Lisboa says:

*edit*

Lisboa says:

Where it says *edit* I wrote in a two paragraph rant that those who would see fit to "criticize" or otherwise judge or opine about my condition of marriage can take a long and circuitous walk off the shortest pier available to you.

The fact remains that being a father doesn't mean that Ishould be a husband. The two roles in life are no longer joined by the traditional values of yester-year. My girlfriend and I decided early on during the pregnancy that we would be best suited to focus on parenthood and not be pressured into marraige just because we were having a child together.

When 1 out of 2 marriages fails in this modern era, I get concerned that while I have tremondous affection for my daughter and my girlfriend as her mother, I don't want to muddy the waters and mistake it as love between my girlfriend and I. My girlfriend is of the same mind. From the old school - patience is a virtue. So, while we adjust to having our daughter now here with us, we can refocus our attention on our relationship as a separate piece and revalidate that where we are with one another is where we want to be in our lives, and continue down that road together.

And the big picture here, is that not only do my girlfriend and I respect each other more for working at this level, but our families support this approach. While having a child at this stage in our relationship wasn't planned, more good things have come from being openly honest with our families than my girlfriend and I could have expected.

Now that I'm done with my soap box, I'll expect the same courtesy from the rest of this crowd, and focus on having fun about having a child.

--Lisboa

Lisboa says:

Boffin - you're so right on the money! She can outsleep me and my dog! We were at the dog park last night, and she slept through one loud and raucous dog fight - nary a stir from her in her backpack.

Wirehead - My girlfriend had many "conversations" with Vivian trying to persuade her to come out in advance of 2004 so we could catch the tax break, but she just wouldn't listen. So, we'll claim her on our 2004 returns, and see what kind of financial gain she brings! Also, I believe they are repealing some marriage "penalty" in this year's tax reform - or GW asked for it during his State of the Union address. (I don't know much on that topic, just remember hearing him mention the term "marriage penalty")

For clarification, not being married in no way limits the rights of the father. Establishing paternity before leaving the hospital establishes full legal responsibilities for both parents. If you don't establish paternity at this juncture, then, yes, there are some legal limitations. But, that's a moot point since we established paternity at the get go.

OK - I gotta jam to meetings at the office. See you all around later.

--Lisboa

DataBind() says:

The marriage penalty usually alludes to dual-income married couples within a certain tax range.

Post A Reply:





Sorry, but before you can reply you must either log in or sign up.